Relight My Fire. 5 Steps to find the playful in your relationships
Ahhh... that honeymoon period. The time in your relationship when all you can see is a sparkly, loved up version of your mate. You view them from an emotional distance that doesn’t allow you to pick at their flaws and see their weaknesses. They are gods (or goddesses). They are heroes (or heroines). They are knights (or…?? What’s the female equivalent? You know what I mean!) Everything is carefree. Sans responsibilities or duties or routines. You make an effort with your clothes; your activities; your time together.
And then as you get to know each other better, you might move in or eventually get married, and as you get emotionally closer that shiny quality appears to fade. You dull it with your observations of how they don’t do this and don’t do that. They start to want to make decisions that you aren’t happy with and that brings conflict into the relationship. You want to control how they do x,y and z, because let’s face it, that’s the right way. (No, seriously, there IS a right way to load the dishwasher and it is MY way!! LOL)
Don't loose the fun
Well first, let’s get over the fact that conflict in a relationship is all bad. It isn’t. (I’m not talking about in abusive relationships, that’s a whole other kettle of fish!) Think of all the times you’ve argued about something. Has it eventually brought you closer? Allowed you to express what you were really feeling? Given you the chance to be clear on what is ok for you/them and what isn’t? Plus, these discussions allow you to air what is not working and what is. So, that’s the first thing as you feel a sense of underwhelm in your relationships, check first that there isn’t an unresolved conflict or a resentment that you are harbouring that is holding you back from that deep connection you crave in your relationship.
Sometimes though routine and the daily grind have just taken over and you’ve lost the fun in your relationship. Throw in babies/young children and you might have all but forgotten why you got together in the first place as you meet all of their needs and forget your own. Having not long come out of that fog I know how it feels. However, nurturing your relationship is an important ingredient in raising a happy family. Don’t forget the kids will leave one day and you’ll be alone together again. So here are a few simple steps to in the words of Take That, 'relight that fire' and inject some fun into your relationship, giving you that ‘honeymoon’ period feel.
Ask your partner what they need?
Find out what is missing for them. In the early days of courtship you can’t do enough for each other, so start by finding out what he/she needs from you. Who knows maybe they will return the favour (but don’t expect it, just do it because you want to give them love).
2. Be playful. When was the last time you snogged (that’s Liverpudlian for kissed!!) in the street or ran down a sand dune together holding hands? If those two examples make you cringe, think of what playful means to you two and then be spontaneous and do it.
3. Create an evening (or day or weekend) where you can focus on each other. Get away from the routine, the daily grind, the house and spend time together doing something you both love (AND just an idea, but could you SWITCH OFF THE PHONES??!!).
4. Commit to each other on a regular basis. Whether it’s one night a week, or a month, promise to be present with each other and talk.
5. Dress like you mean it. Dress for each other. Consider your underwear as well as your outerwear. LOL. Those grey saggy pants won't cut it. Be confident and feel good in what you look like. Confidence is very sexy!!
As with everything, clarity is the key to happiness in your relationship.
What lights you both up? What love language do you both speak? How will you keep that fire burning, with a deeper connection than any honeymoon period could ever dream to touch? Get solution focused and relight that relationship.
I’d love to hear all the other ways you keep that spark alive in the comments.
If all this feels overwhelming start with one small act of love.
I would love to know your comments about this post. Please get in touch and share them with me