You know what I mean. You tell yourself that people will find out that you aren’t as good as they think you are or you aren’t an ‘expert’, so who the hell are you to talk about X, Y or Z. Well, it’s a very common phenomenon with high achieving people, and often women, and is what psychologists call ‘Intellectual self doubt.’
The reason I decided to write this article is because this week I mentioned on my Facebook page that I was launching a new VIP BETA programme for ‘high achieving women’ to support them to manage their energy to perform consistently throughout the day so that they can feel good about themselves again and avoid overwhelm; Create days that are focused, productive and filled with activity that is important to them without the guilt so that they can have the financial and emotional success they desire, and time to enjoy it! As well as to create a lifestyle where they thrive emotionally, physically and mentally, which includes their work but they aren’t a salve to it, so that they manage the ‘imposter syndrome, that inner critic voice and feel confident in their decision making and action taking as a female leader.
And oh the irony!! I had high achieving women messaging me saying they would love to be part of the programme and yet, they weren’t sure if they were high achieving women!
WT… and it hit me. The women who need this the most, are the very women who won’t recognise themselves as high achievers because they haven’t got their hyper achiever saboteur under control!
It’s common for women leaders to not recognise how amazing they are (it happens for men too and they are less likely to admit it), which is why I want to run this programme in the first place.
Valerie Young, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, stated, “Being female means you and your work automatically stand a greater chance of being ignored, discounted, trivialized, devalued or otherwise taken less seriously than a man’s.” So, it might not all be in your mind why you feel like a fraud.
However, more often than not we create these feelings ourselves and I have faced my ‘Imposter Syndrome’ several times in the last 20+ years of working.
Read on for 9 Ways to Overcome this voice in your head.
If you are into Law of Attraction you’ll have heard all about living life at a HIGHER VIBRATION. As I understand it, in simple terms, this is a state of being open, curious, solution focused, action taking and positive. Lots of people present it as being positive all the time, which I think really puts some people off as they don’t believe it is possible to be in a positive state of mind all the time. I don’t either, but I do believe that it is possible to be in a Solution Focused state more often than not and this creates the higher vibrations, of which we hear so much about.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, all emotion is relevant. All feelings are action signals. It’s how we react to them that counts.
Stay in anger and more anger, bitterness and resentment will come. Use it as an action signal and get solution focused, you might create positive change or improve communication in the long run.
Stay in guilt and shame and you will create a smaller, more fearful world for yourself. Use it as an action signal to look at how you honour you and how you can move forward and grow from ANY experience and the world will become a bigger and brighter place.
Stay in sadness and life is darker and colder. Use it as an action signal to honour a loss, or reconnect with someone you love, and life seems a better place to live and more colourful.
I asked my ON Line Communities, my subscription club The Solution Focused Sisterhood and my free group The Next Level Woman’s Club, to give me some low vibration (or what I call ‘Default Thoughts’) to demonstrate to you how we take these thoughts that enter our heads and spin them to a higher vibration and make the Solution Focused. Read on to find out how.
One of the biggest commitments I made to myself several years ago was to give myself permission to put myself first in order to become the better, more productive and able to thrive in work version of me I wanted to be.
It used to be so different before I put into practice the tools and strategies I learnt during my personal development journey and gaining my accreditation as a Coach. I was working as a Senior Leader in a third sector organisation managing several teams and contracts, whilst bringing up two young girls and volunteering for several organisations.
I would do the hour long commute having dropped my girls in child care and then rush home, continuing unfinished conversations with colleagues on the hands free all the way home. I’d collect the girls, with one of them particularly strung out with the whole after school situation and we’d have a fractious hour/two hours of tea, bath, homework, then bed. My husband would arrive at some point in this cycle and pitch in, or retreat depending on everyone's mood. After which, I’d work some more to fit in the things I’d been unable to finish in the day, or I’d be involved in some event I’d not had the courage to say no to.
Life was like living in a hamster wheel and the frustrating thing was I’d been here before and I ought to have known better. I felt lonely and trapped with a million plates spinning and ready to drop. Read on to find out how this all changed and how it can change for you too.
I don’t know about you, but the words self-care and self-love are repeated so often they are becoming more buzzwords that makes them a bit annoying to the ear!
However, they are important. It is so important in my mind, that I put “Self-care” as the first pillar to success in my 3 pillar model (with Mind set and Strategy coming next). That cliché, ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup.’ is so true. In the working world, particularly when you are passionate about what you do, you can end up burning the candle at both ends too often. Throw in carer, parental responsibilities or health issues and you can be completely lost and so low on the agenda you never get to you.
During my ‘BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND’ workshop I do an exercise, which demonstrated this beautifully and 9 times out of 10 participants don’t even feature. Isn’t that sad that we get so lost in all the things we feel we ‘should’ be doing that we fail to see our own care as a priority?
Well, I’m here to show you how it can benefit not YOU, but everyone around you. (Which helps get past that People Pleaser Mean Little Cow voice that is telling you it is selfish to put you first.) It isn’t selfish and here is why. READ MORE
I've been talking a lot about real Self Care on Social Media lately. In my posts and in my Facebook groups
For far too long we high achieving women have put ourselves too far down our priority list, and that to me is the ultimate in not looking after you and your needs.
You find yourself looking out for everyone else but yourself.
Is your team ok? Has your partner got everything he/she needs?
Are your children fully catered for, loved enough, given enough, hugged enough, nurtured enough, the list goes on? Have you looked after those family members that are in need? On top of that you worry about all the injustice and big issues going on in the world and your community. And yes, they are all important in your life, but where are you in that?
You've stopped looking after you and the cracks are being to show. Well, that stops here.
You might be in a corporate role, an on line entrepreneur or in a public sector leadership role, what you do doesn't matter to me. If you are a high achieving woman who's not looking after her needs, I'm asking you to sign up to this Next Level Woman's Manifesto. It's for you to simply take stock and look out for you.
You can chose which of these promises work for you, and sod the rest, but I want you to really consider each point and decide if you want to promise yourself these things and take action on it. If you do, read on.